


When I wake up I see (you with me)

by Malvies_toxicaria



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Don't want to spoil anything, F/F, Songfic, but this is based off of Billie Eilish's "Everything I Wanted", sorry in advance from me and my messed up self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-23 09:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23009125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malvies_toxicaria/pseuds/Malvies_toxicaria
Summary: Based off of Billie Eilish's "Everything I wanted"If you heard the song, you know what you're getting into
Relationships: Evie/Mal (Disney)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 38





	When I wake up I see (you with me)

The night, and everything that came with it, had always been a clashing of good and bad times for her. Sleep was normally a relished and beautiful thing, even more so when Evie was nestled, safe and tucked away, in Mal’s arms. Back on the isle, before Mal had shown her the true emotion of love and that emotional bond she had lying in wait to be deeply forged, nightmares of the most gruesome and terrifying variety plagued her helpless mind every night. Each trauma of her past she had wanted to forget, of her mother’s abusive hands and degrading words, of strange men being led to her room, holding her down with hands over her mouth, glaring into her teary eyes as they forced themselves upon and desecrated her body, all of it replayed in her subconscious mind; forcing her to relive every painful moment. 

Then there came Mal, and Evie had discovered emotions she never knew she could be allowed to feel. Mal is, and has always been, her light; snuggling up so impossibly close and falling asleep breathing in her familiar scent, Mal had this ability to douse the flames of even Evie’s darkest and most violent of nightmares.

Tonight, however, Mal was out late; the task of becoming a high member of Ben’s court was every day stealing more of her time, especially with so many late-night conferences. Evie couldn’t even begin to fathom what those governing prudes could possibly be talking about that required them to meet so often and for so long. Ever since that fateful day where she woke up in her arms, Evie had never been able to sleep without Mal, she wouldn’t let herself; for any time she did, all those memories and horrors would resurface worse than before. 

She had tried to keep her mind busy as she waited, attempting to keep her mind active and away from drifting thoughts by cleaning already spotless rooms, sewing excessive detailing on already completed outfits, and sketching new designs in overfilled sketchbooks. Every minute she was listening intently, hoping Mal would come home soon so she could finally fall into the safety of her arms. However, as minutes drawled long into hours, Evie was unable to fight the heaviness encroaching her eyelids and the overwhelming tiredness shutting down her mind and body. Eventually, she nearly fell to the floor before deciding she couldn’t take it anymore and collapsed on the bed, letting her resisting eyes fall closed.

When she opened them again, Evie was no longer lying on her bed, in fact, there was no bed at all. Senses came into focus and all around her were multiple flashes of blinding white light, and many loud and obnoxious people shouting her name, trying for her attention. She searched around the unfamiliar scene, looking to take in identifying marks to try and place where exactly she was. The carpet beneath her heel-clad feet was a striking red, and her brand name was printed onto every legible surface she could see. It was difficult to make out anything else in her vicinity, what with a wall of intensely flashing cameras leaving her practically blinded, but she did feel a strong tug on her wrist, pulling her from one scene into another, where she was sat along with her friends in the very front row before a runway. She again glanced around. 

Carlos was on her right with Jay a seat over next to him, she could see both of the boys were attired in garments far too lavish for their usual taste, and on her left sat Mal, purple hair falling in styled waves, holding her hand in which bore a new addition of a diamond ring. Evie swallowed nervously and was completely blind-sighted as a loud voice rang through a speaker, announcing the debut show of her latest and greatest fashion line.

“You finally made it, Eves” Carlos leaned in and spoke with his boyish smile, “You’re the biggest name in fashion.”

Evie shifted slightly to face him and blinked a couple of times in confusion, not exactly being sure when something like that was decided, “I am?” she felt pressure against her back as Mal had leaned in to join the conversation,

“Well, yeah, babe, look at where we are, don’t be so modest.”

Carlos sat back in his seat, and looked out to all the eager buyers, “I bet flying around the world will be fun, maybe you could finally pick a spot for your wedding,” he quipped on the latter.

Evie had to take a moment to think about what the hell was going on. Wedding? Of course, that would explain the ring on Mal’s finger; but when had she proposed? She thought it strange that such a life-changing memory could escape her, maybe it has something to do with the sudden nervousness or unease settling low in her stomach. This night certainly wasn’t making any sense, but it seems all her dreams were wrapping all into one. Evie looked out across the room, at the models starting to walk and the countless number of onlooking people, fawning over her latest creations. It came to her then, hitting like a truck; that she was successful, the biggest and best name in fashion, she had her closest friends by her side, and she was to marry the most perfect girl imaginable. She had gotten everything she wanted. So why then, did it all suddenly feel so wrong?

“It’s a shame you guys won’t see each other until your wedding day” Jay then commented, leaning forward past Carlos so he could be seen.

The uneasiness was fanning the flame to its fire as Evie felt like the very atmosphere around her was starting to twist. She urgently snapped her head over to look at him, 

“What?”

“Yeah, with your nonstop traveling for all your shows and stuff, and Mal with all her governing duties, I bet it’ll be kinda rough for you being apart for another year. I’m even surprised with all that work you have, that you could even make time for us tonight.”

Jay’s unexpected words took Evie from a momentary high to an all time low. She had gone _a year_ without seeing Mal? And she was to endure another? She couldn’t even stomach the thought. She couldn’t bear to go a single day without Mal always by her side, loving and kissing her, let alone a whole year; and what of her friends? Did they think she simply preferred work over them? That she didn’t care? She parted her lips to speak, and she desperately wanted to, but no words could find their way out.

“Eh, E won’t even notice I’m gone” Mal shrugged her shoulders, her face plastered with an infuriating unreadable expression.

Evie shifted her body again, surprise and hurt evident in her chocolate eyes, “What? Th-that’s not true!” She had no idea where this was all coming from. She saw something glass over Mal’s green eyes just then, turning them blank and void of emotion.

“It’s fine, I mean, sometimes I even forget we’re engaged.”

Evie’s unsettled stomach sank like a rock, and her heart dropped even further. Mal would never say something like that, and unfortunately, it didn’t stop there.

“I’m sure your mom would be more than happy to hook you up while we’re away from each other.”

Hearing such a thing, Evie’s insides twisted and she felt so nauseous she thought she would throw up right then and there. How could Mal say that? How could she even think it okay to say something so out of line? Especially knowing of Evie’s past experiences. How could _any_ of this be happening? Hot, painful tears clouded her vision, and she hadn’t even realized she had risen from her seat, in the middle of the show, and took off towards the elevator. Not knowing where to go or what to do, Evie smashed a random button and just let the machine guide her on. 

This isn’t like anything she had once hoped for. This has all gone so terribly wrong. 

She almost let herself fall into the floor when the elevator stopped, reaching it’s highest destination of the roof, and opened its doors. Evie stumbled out on wobbly legs, feeling the cool, refreshing breeze of the night air through the open doors and craving more. It did wonders to bring down the heat beneath her skin and cool her tear-streaked face. She paced for a minute, processing all the information thrust upon her tonight. Suddenly, she found herself drawn to the ledge and looked out over the city below her; signs were flashing her name and lights decorated the night sky like fireflies. It all looked like another universe beneath her. 

She felt the semblance of judgment start to slip from her brain. The pain, new and old, was rising and becoming too great. This life she had gotten, was not what she expected and she wanted out. Looking down through watery tears at the sparkling decent below her, Evie just stood and thought, _You knew this was bound to happen. You were never good enough. You were never really wanted for anything other than what you could do. She never loved you, she wouldn’t even miss you._

“Evie”

She jumped at the sudden voice appearing out of nowhere behind her. She turned around, it was pretty dark, but Mal was easily recognized with her pale glowing skin and vivid purple. Evie was about to breathe a sigh of relief, thinking that the girl she loves had come to ease her off that edge and hold her with loving care. But Mal just stood there, alone, either she had purposefully told Jay and Carlos to stay behind or they simply didn’t care enough to follow. She had her arms folded and stared right through Evie with cold, narrowed eyes.

“What are you doing?”

Evie swallowed an uncomfortable lump in her throat, the way Mal was looking at her was unlike anything she’s seen.

“Were you going to jump?”

She widened her eyes, big and innocent. Evie’s thoughts and memories had led her down a path like this before. Thinking there was no way things could get better and no possible way out from the unyielding pain, Mal had caught her one day, in the bathroom, with a razor in her hand, attempting to seal her final choice. Evie wouldn’t have guessed, but things did get better, all because of Mal, who she was hoping was here now to help her like she did then. Evie shook her head in denial, bouncing her blue waves, and tried again to speak,

“I...I was just-”

Mal took an intimidating step forward, pinning Evie with no escape close against the ledge. Her eyes were still blank and unforgiving, and Evie shuddered at seeing a glint of something cloud over orbs of green, something dangerous.

“Do it”

There was silence. Out of anything Evie thought Mal could have said, or hoped she would say, it never would have been those two terrifying words. 

“What?” The breeze in the high above air was no match anymore against restarting tears, falling fast and painfully down her cheeks, stinging like acid. Maybe her thoughts had been right all along. 

“M-Mal, I-” She barely croaked through emotional sobs.

Evie then squeaked in fear as Mal brought up her gloved hand and grabbed her jaw with an icy, harsh grip, inching so menacingly close until Evie had her lower back pressed into the roof’s stone ledge. Mal spoke in a voice low and chilling,

“You’re pathetic. With all your stupid schemes for attention and worthless pursuits. I never loved you, you’ve never been good enough. Not good enough to catch a man to please your mom, and certainly not good enough for me.” Her lips curled into a snarl and lowered her tone even further, almost to the point of a growling whisper, “So, let’s see you fly, pretty bird.”

Any shred of hope Evie was holding onto to redeem any sort of value in her life, was now violently shattered. The most important thing keeping her alive was now the thing that wanted her dead; maybe she was right, it was finally time to listen. That was the final push, nothing mattered anymore, her life was broken and shattered, from beginning to end. It’s time, she decided, to let go, it’s time to finally be free.

Evie sat herself up on the roof’s ledge, positioning herself as far back as she could get, taking a last moment to bring her shaky hands to cup Mal’s cheeks. No matter what she may say, Mal is still Mal, and Evie couldn’t imagine life without her. Through wavering breaths and broken sobs, she leaned in close, parting her lips to gently whisper against Mal’s,

“I love you” she cried quietly before settling into her final decision and letting herself fall back into the night, where there would be nothing there to catch her. The last thing Evie saw was Mal, who had not shed a single tear, standing right there in arms reach, without care, watching her fall back into the darkness of death.

//

_I had a dream_

_I got everything I wanted_

_Not what you think_

_And if I’m being honest_

_It might’ve been a nightmare_

_To anyone who might care_

_Thought I could fly_

_So I stepped off the golden_

_Nobody cried_

_Nobody even noticed_

_I saw them standing right there_

_Kinda thought they might care_

//

Just before she met with the hard ground from a ten-story drop, Evie jolted awake, body still intact, hearing a voice dragging and pulling her up from deep under a flooded trench.

“-wake up. Evie, c’mon, come back to me,”

It seemed like her eyes opened for the second time that night, this time to the feeling of soft fingers stroking lightly through her hair. Brown eyes stung painfully as Evie blinked away stale tears. As her vision slowly came into clearing, the violet blur in front of her shaped into the sight of Mal, who was sitting there next to her, looking into Evie with big, concerned green eyes.

Slews of mixed emotions rushed back into Evie’s body and mind; Mal was the last thing she saw before plummeting off that ledge, and her voice egging her on was the last thing she heard before going under. Registering that Mal was with her once again, seeing the scene play out all over, Evie jumped and fiercely recoiled back, pushing and kicking up the sheets, screaming and nearly tumbling off the edge of the bed.

“NO! No no no, I- I don’t want this!” momentarily numbed by her hysteria, Evie threaded fingers through her dark roots, screaming and pulling intensely. She clawed at her eyes and neck and her entire body was shaking like mad.

Mal knows she somehow has to calm Evie down, knowing if Evie kept clawing and raking harshly against her trembling skin there would be blood. She reached out to take the girl in her arms, to hold her and comfort her like she’s done countless nights before. However, at the simplest sight of the gesture, Evie screamed and whined, curling further away into herself, all out of tremendous fear. Mal was taken aback by Evie’s unnatural reaction and sharply retracted her hand. Evie has had fearful panics and awakenings to her nightmares before, but Mal had _never_ witnessed something like this; not even back on the isle, when Evie was a slave to her mother’s routine. 

Evie sat at the very far edge of the bed, holding her head and knees brought up to her chest, tightening and locking her body into a shivering ball. Dark brown eyes were puffy and red from crying in and out of her disturbing slumber, and her soft cheeks were splotchy and stained, with scratches leading down to her collarbone. It was tremendously difficult whenever Evie fell entrapped into her looming darkness, and Mal was usually the only one who could free her and carry her back out, but here, the blue-haired girl was cowering and shaking at just the sight of her.

Mal felt her chest tighten and her heart pang with hurt. She wondered what could have happened in Evie’s mind that incited such a reaction, to push her away, causing Evie to fear her. She didn’t know what to do, how to bring Evie out from her fear-stricken trance if she couldn’t get any closer. Maybe if she could just get her to talk…

“Evie, Evie it’s okay. You don’t have to look at me, just listen to my voice.” Her face was well hidden within herself, but Mal caught that Evie had closed her eyes and was thankfully trying to slow her erratic breathing. Mal forced herself to stay put, not moving another inch towards Evie unless it was asked for. “Everything’s okay, it’s all over now. I’m right here, we’re safe.” Mal guided her voice to softly carry across the space between them and into Evie’s ears.

“Safe?” Evie squeaked, muffled from being tightly concealed. The frenzied and panicked scatter in her brain was slowly parting into a clearing, “It was all a dream?”

“Yeah, baby, everything’s okay now. Whatever you saw wasn’t real.”

The voice that softly flowed into Evie’s ears was much different than that on the rooftop. The Mal in her dream spoke with steel and venom, spatting things in a tone that had her feel small and unwanted. This time now, her voice was gentle and calm, light and airy, with a special sweetness in her tone reserved just for her. The Mal that spoke now was the real Mal. _Her Mal_. The very one who told her how much she was loved each and every day.

Evie peeked her blue head up and looked on through bloodshot eyes, “M?”

Mal offered a small smile in place of a regular touch, glad seeing that Evie was finally coming around, “Yeah, I’m here, Evie.”

Finally getting a good look, unaltered by sudden panic or lucid visions, Evie saw Mal on the other end of the bed, against the pillows, calmly and patiently giving her space. Evie swiveled her head, stressing the scratches on her neck, and took in her surroundings, she was in their bedroom, just her and Mal alone again, but this time no rooftop. No sinking city below her, and no glassy look to green eyes. Tears of sadness and relief started back up and Evie lunged herself into her girlfriend’s awaiting arms, finally letting reality come to light.

“M-Mal” Evie settled next to the girl she loves, clinging to her tightly and burying her face so impossibly deep into her chest. She soaked in the strength and love there while dampening Mal’s pale skin with salty tears.

Mal, now having permission, ran her fingers again through a messy head of blue, speaking gently against Evie’s hair, “It’s okay, they’re gone. They’re all gone. As long as I’m here, no one can hurt you. People like your mom and those guys will never get to you.”

Evie then just cried even harder. Mal assumed her nightmare had been of the usual trauma rooted from her past. It crushed her heart and tore her chest apart that the truth was it had been about her. Evie did not want to lie here and talk about it, feeling like it would just hurt them both, but she needs to face her fears, and she can learn to.

“I-it’s not that,” Her voice was scratchy, and every word was painful to say, both from her raw throat and the hurt of the truth.

“My dream...I had gotten everything I had ever wanted, but it wasn’t what you think. In the beginning, it was okay, but then…” She breathed deep and shaky, her strained voice stuttering now and then as Evie tried to keep intense sobs at bay. 

“Everyone turned, so cold. And then, I was on the roof...and you were there.” She felt Mal hug her tight, letting her know she can take her time, say what she needs to say, and it’ll all be okay. She grabbed and pulled the fabric of Mal’s shirt into tight fists, 

“Y-you were telling me all these things about myself, things I had thought and feared were true all along.” A few cracked sobs escaped, the final words being too hard to say, 

“And, Mal...you told me to jump.”

Though she was engulfed in Evie’s emanating heat, Mal felt her heart freeze. Evie confided in her about every nightmare she had, it helped in lifting the weight it caused from her chest, however, they were usually repeat events from long past scars. This one was new. As far as she knew, Mal never made an appearance in any of Evie’s nightmares, she was told only the good dreams consisted of her. It disturbed, and quite frankly frightened her, that Evie would have a dream like that, to think of her that way. She didn’t think she had done anything wrong. But, she can’t get down on herself now, Evie needs her strength, although, just thinking of how earth-shattering that dream must have been for Evie, it broke Mal’s heart right in two.

“Evie, I don’t know what I said in your dream, but let me tell you what I know is real,” Mal began, kissing her hair and soothingly rubbing the tension away in Evie’s shoulders, “You are kind and thoughtful, looking out for and caring so much about others. You are gorgeous, inside and out, stopping people’s hearts with just your smile. And best of all…” she took gentle fingers under Evie’s chin, guiding her eyes up to meet her own for the first time that night. 

“You see the beauty in everything, even looking past the ugly dragon armor, seeing, and _loving_ a beast like me for who I am.” Mal gently pressed her forehead against Evie’s, feeling just how hot and flushed her skin was from her intense emotions and nuzzled close, 

“The world doesn’t deserve you, Evie. You’re too good for it.” Mal fought hard to keep her own tears from surfacing, “And if only I could change the way you see yourself, you wouldn’t wonder why.”

//

_I had a dream_

_I got everything I wanted_

_But when I wake up, I see_

_You with me_

_And you say, As long as I’m here_

_No one can hurt you_

_Don’t wanna lie here_

_But you can learn to_

_If I could change_

_The way that you see yourself_

_You wouldn’t wonder why you hear_

_They don’t deserve you_

//

Evie felt too many emotions clashing within her mind; she wanted to scream, to deny everything Mal said, but she was already drowning in her own tears.

“I’m weak,” she managed through quivering lips, “People never cared about me. I’m always abused then thrown aside, and you’re probably going to do the same once you’re done with me.”

It was then that Mal understood; a deep-rooted and underlying fear of Evie’s that had spent years locked away, finally made it’s way to the surface of her subconscious. Her poor girlfriend was afraid Mal would leave, that she was never truly wanted or loved. But Mal knew that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Oh, Evie…”

Evie felt that uncomfortable wave of pity, unknowingly seeping off Mal. It was terrifying how quickly things can change. Just yesterday, things were easy and peaceful, with her and Mal snuggling close on one of their favorite hilltops. Laughing and smiling, nuzzling and kissing, that was always when Evie felt her happiest, whenever she was with Mal. But now, yesterday felt like so long ago, like in her dream, like it was a year. 

In her dream, where Mal was _right there_ soaking in and reveling in Evie’s sorrow, she could’ve stopped her, but she didn’t. 

All anyone wanted was to take from her, her sanity, her body, even the simplest of privileges of getting to live life. But she couldn’t let anyone know, she couldn’t let them down, not with all that was expected from her. If she did, she wouldn’t have a life to live anymore, which sometimes she thought, wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

“Evie, I want you to understand something,” Mal pulled Evie out from her thoughts, dragging her attention forward, “You are not weak. You are the strongest and fiercest person there is. I know of the battles you fought, and the ones you’re still fighting. I know it’s hard, but I also know you push through every single time. And don’t you ever, for a second, think I don’t love you. You are my life, Evie; my whole world-”

“How can you say that when I let you down? I told you in my dream-”

“-And that’s all it was. A dream. It was all your fears trying to control and get the best of you. I understand, I’ve been there too, and it’s okay.” Mal wrapped her arms fully around Evie and pulled all of her as close as she could possibly get, “They won’t get to you, Evie; I won’t let them.”

//

_I tried to scream_

_But my head was underwater_

_They called me weak_

_Like I’m not just somebody’s daughter_

_Coulda been a nightmare_

_But it felt like they were right there_

_And it feels like yesterday was a year ago_

_But I don’t wanna let anybody know_

_‘Cause everybody wants something from me now_

_And I don’t wanna let ‘em down_

//

Lying there with Mal, Evie wondered that if she had known fully of Mal’s words and feelings, that they were all pure and true, if she would ever find herself on that rooftop again. Or if others back then had known that what had been said and done went right to her head, if things would be different. But what could they have possibly said or done to make it so? She’ll most likely never know, for she couldn’t see her life unfolding in any other way.

Her body ached with stiff soreness and was entirely worn out all over again. Evie felt sleep again trying to creep up behind her, to gently wash over her like a wave, but she was too afraid to let it come.

//

_If I knew it all then would I do it again?_

_Would I do it again_

_If they knew what they said would go straight to my head_

_What could they say instead_

//

Mal felt Evie’s body tense, trying to fight back something her mind needed and was crying for. She guided Evie’s head over to rest serenely on her chest, having her relax to the steady rise and fall of her breathing and the sound of her heart that beat only for her.

“Let yourself sleep, Evie. I promise nothing will hurt you.” Mal pulled up a warm blanket that Evie had pushed away earlier, covering them both in plush comfort, and kissed away the salty tears on Evie’s cheeks before planting one soft and sensual on her lips.

The warmth from the newly added blanket and the sensation of Mal’s touch and embrace was effectively easing Evie into a state of calm. This time, as Mal was there with her, to guide and keep her safe, she willingly let sleep find its way. Before it fully carried her away, she took a deep breath,

“Just, please don’t leave me,” she whispered, broken and small.

Finally, Mal allowed her own eyes to fall closed and held Evie with hellbent intent on never, ever letting her go. Her only reply was spoken softly, audible to only Evie,

“Never”

She knows they’ll be okay, and she knows right by Evie’s side is where she’ll always stay.

//

_I had a dream_

_I got everything I wanted_

_But when I wake up I see_

  
  


_You with me_

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to have this fit closely to the song and I think I did pretty well, all comments and loved and appreciated. Tell me what you think, how you feel, why Mal is such a teddy bear ;P  
> all of you are so sweet and loved


End file.
